11 Jan Are you practicing self-love or self-loathing?
A few months ago, I wrote a guest blog about how to be a stylish mama for Louise, founder of More to mum. In return, Louise has some amazing words of wisdom to share with my stylish community …and it’s all about self love. Many of my friends, women I meet and style all struggle with self judgement around how they look and use negative self talk daily. Most are unable to even accept a compliment. My wish for every women that steps into my studio is to start practice some self love and positive talk. Louise has beautifully written about why this is important and how you can start being kinder to yourself.
Do you truly love yourself? Or even like yourself?
If you can’t answer with a wholehearted yes, you’re definitely not alone.
Despite what you may perceive from afar or through social media, we all have things we don’t like about ourselves. Research shows that women, in particular, tend to be very critical of themselves.
The problem isn’t the fact that we have things that we don’t like about ourselves.
Rather, it’s the fact that we make these things so much more important than the things we do like. You might even give them so much weight, that it seems like you dislike all of yourself.
What happens when you don’t love yourself?
- You struggle to accept compliments and love
- Are more likely to make decisions that aren’t in your best interests
- Feel less confident
- Experience less joy
- Might treat others badly to get people to love you, or numb your feelings
- May experience anxiety or depression.
Where does self-loathing come from?
We aren’t born this way. Babies don’t feel so badly about themselves.
This negative view of ourselves develops over our lives and may be impacted by:
- How your parents saw and treated you as a child
- How your parents feel and speak about themselves
- Opinions of society or people in your life
- Your own unrealistic standards or comparisons to others
- Stressful and traumatic events.
Self-loathing becomes deeply ingrained in your thinking and self-perception. But you don’t need to feel like this forever.
Love yourself instead
You can start practicing self-love.
Self-love means accepting and appreciating yourself, as you are, in all your uniqueness.
It’s knowing that even though you might not be the best version of yourself yet, you can be good enough, and love yourself, while striving to be better.
By practicing self-love, you’ll experience more happiness, confidence, resilience and life satisfaction. You’ll improve your emotional, physical and mental wellbeing. Self-love also has a positive impact on your relationships and provides a valuable model for your children to follow.
If you love yourself first, you’ll also be able to share this love with others.
Wouldn’t that be a better way to live? Creating self-love
Try these simple strategies to kick start:
- When a critical thought enters your mind, ask yourself, would you say that to a friend? What would you say instead?
- Allow yourself to be human and imperfect. We all are. You can acknowledge your mistakes and imperfections and still believe you are worthy and enough.
- Be prepared with positive thoughts about yourself. Every night for a month, write down 3 things you liked about yourself that day (no matter how small) and any compliments you receive. Review these each morning and whenever you need encouragement.
Learning to love yourself is not necessarily an easy task. But you’re worth it.
What can you do to start loving yourself more today?
Louise East is a wife, mum of a toddler and step mum of 3 young adults. She is also the founder of More to Mum, a place where you can find heartfelt inspiration, advice and support with mindset, self-care and the practical things in life.
After a satisfying career coaching, mentoring, leading and teaching adults in the corporate world, she is now committed to helping mums of small children, believe that they are enough, feel confident in themselves and their choices, and look after themselves well, so they can give their best to their families.
Private Facebook group for mums: http://www.facebook.com/groups/theresmoretomum/